Written Mar 14, 2013 12:56am
So I will settle for “what if” option 2. My scan revealed that the cancer is still present. It is not necessarily smaller, but is not progressing. It is in the lining of my diaphragm. It is a persistent booger, and so I will remain patient as I continue chemotherapy. At this time, I am scheduled to receive one treatment in March, April, and May. Then I will take 6 weeks off, and repeat another scan. I pray that the treatment will eventually kill these microscopic cancer cells. This is my hope.I must say that I was a little floored when I heard the news. Was I wrong to believe that the cancer would be gone, and I would be given a reprieve from chemo? Was this some crazy dream that I had that was never really a possibility? Not necessarily. Yet, my doctor reminded me (and perhaps I heard him more clearly this time), that recurrent ovarian cancer is very tough to get rid of. It may be that it will never entirely go away…but that with chemotherapy, I can continue to live with “quality of life.” This is true. I am very much alive, and enjoying most days with great gratitude. I am so happy to be able to participate actively in most moments/events. No, I do not have great strength and stamina. Particularly after each treatment, I am knocked down a notch. But, thanks to all of you, I have the support I need to handle my self care and the care of my family. I can truly appreciate the old adage “it takes a village.”Since Friday, I have been a little down. I have been “sitting” with the result of my scan. It has taken a while to settle in. I have been through the different stages of disbelief, denial, avoidance, anger, remorse, despondence. Ok, I cannot remember the exact names/ order of the stages of acceptance . Anyway…it has been a long week. I will receive chemo this Friday. Again, I have asked for assistance to get through the week. Gordon will be out of town on business. Although I still have trouble asking for help, I know from experience that I cannot do this alone.The fun news is how great the past month has been. We had a great Valentine celebration. Gordon and I went on a “fancy” date to a nice restaurant and movie. We celebrated Emma Kate’s birthday. It was a blast! Simple and FUN. This week has been spring break and it has really kept me in the moment. We stayed in town; Jack had a baseball game four days this week. We have mostly played in the yard and stayed in our pajamas as much as possible. The weather has been decent. Good family time with the children…but we sure do miss daddy!!!!! I will be so glad when we can all live in the same city!
So I will close with this brief verse, Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
I pray for you as you pray for me. I love you guys so much.