A time of renewal for me. This time a year ago I was told that there was no evidence of disease in my body. It was a good feeling. Today, I still have good feelings. I love this time of year. It is so beautiful here, and for whatever reason (post the birth of Clayton)…I no longer suffer from allergies. Can you believe it?!?! Go figure. A curious gift I will GLADLY accept. Thus the growth, the greens, the bright colors. People in Memphis have some great looking yards, and to live so close the Botanic Gardens and all of those cherry blossoms. Simply gorgeous.
Well as mentioned, I received chemo in April and in May. Thanks to my newly found friend Laurie Ellis, I was able to successfully and effortlessly recruit volunteers to help for the entire week post treatments. I am still in awe and wonder over people’s generosity. Yet, I don’t know why, because I also believe that God is good and lives in all of us, if we let Him. My angelic friends appear at my doorstep with food, flowers (thanks Annie and kids), hugs, energy!!! ideas of fun and games for our children, talents in home care, yard care, child care, pet care. Early in my recovery, as I attempted to perform these skills independently, maintaining a presence of strength, character, and capability. What a dummy. I was just left in my own dust, tired and defeated. Now, I am uplifted and renewed following each blast of the deadly chemicals that are hopefully saving my life. Ok, nuf said. I LOVE you my friends!!!!
I also must speak to my friends who live at a distance. You are my support line of love and encouragement. To those of you who cannot be at my doorstep, you travel in my heart with tiny voices saying “you can do this”… thanks to your prayers, cards, calls, emails, gifts, etc. etc. etc. And when you can come in town…you make special time to come see me. I REALLY appreciate this. Most recently, I received a visit from a dear friend Jawanda Mast and her daughter Rachel. I met Jawanda after I had Clayton, as she was the Director of the Down Syndrome Assn. of Midsouth. She was a great support to me then, as she continues to be now, from St. Louis. We had a great “catch up,” and many laughs. I also received a fun visit from the Lehfeldts, although we missed Hannah Beth (she was swimming with the Dolphins with her Gran…yes literally!). Check out the photos. We ate, laughed and and just hung out. My kind of visit.
After chemo this past Friday, I “awoke” Wednesday, finally feeling the wherewithall to shower and put on clothes. Nice, hunh? Any way…as I was returning from driving the children to school, I was sitting in the turn lane waiting for the light to change. The intersection was busy, with six lanes both ways, and designated turn lanes. I watched the faces of SO many people driving by, wondering what they were thinking? where were they going, and what was their major purpose? Some were laughing, some looked solemn, driven, sad, irritated. All seemed busy, I guess by the speed at which they traveled past my car. I had time for only a glimpse. I considered where I was in space and time, and how there were so many people, with so many things to do. Then, I realized that 1) I had been in seclusion for too long, 2) had too much time on my hands, and 3) most importantly, looked at things differently. I often find myself very present in my situation. And this is very hard with a “chemo brain!” At times I feel loopy and asea with confusion. But I do take TIME, to ponder, reflect, feel where my feet are planted, and consider with GREAT gratitude, the gifts that I have and continue to receive. When I share this with others, my take is that this is a result of my battle with cancer. So, the point of this…how cool in that I can even see the gift of my cancer journey. It gives me a new and valued way to look at, and feel about, my life, and I love it! my life that is. I DEFINITELY do not love the cancer…and thanks just the same, maybe I could have learned this lesson another way? Oh well, I accept it.
Don’t forget to check in with me, let me know how you’re doing, what’s up for summer, etc. etc. I will check back in mid May, after my next stinkin’ dreaded nauseating frowny face I could just get so mad chemo!
Love you guys!!!! Peri