Good morning folks.

 I am about to get “busy” but thought I would pause to read and sit with an update from my cancer survivor spouse Dawn.  She is absolutely amazing.  I only know her through her life transcribed on Caring Bridge.  She is a friend of a friend, and her story has touched me more than she will ever know.  Her husband, Jeff Hawkins, died this summer of cancer.  Her journey of faith has helped me immensely.You see, everyone’s cancer story is different and yet we all have something to share.  There is fear, pain, courage, sadness, joy, more sadness, and grace.  As she describes…you don’t get over this…with, God! You just get through it.It is nearing a year since my diagnosis.  My children are glad my hair is growing back, and I am more engaged in the activities of their life.  They bemoan the fact that I do not push the swing long enough, or jump on the trampoline high enough, or go on walks often enough.  But it is enough for me.  I am glad to be doing, even if in stride.  I have pain, and I have fatigue.  I don’t really know why exactly, and don’t really care too much.  It just is.  I am glad to be alive…so glad to be alive.

I strive to live for today, and to count my blessings, and stay in the moment.  As all of us, some days are better than others.  It is amazing how quickly I can “busy” myself.  Now given the gift of improved physical and mental health, I am doing more.  I caution in doing too much…becoming overly fatigued and stretched.  I want to keep the awareness of the beauty of every moment.  It is a good place to be I think, and I received this gift through a possible death experience. No, I am not out of the fire.  My “year” mark will be in February.  We will see then if I am still cancer free.

But what I know, is that ALL of us just have today.  On Sunday, a young woman (a mom) from our church was out jogging, and was hit and killed by a car.  This week, a young man in prison was executed for a crime he swears he did not commit.  We all have today.  May I keep this knowledge in my very soul, and treasure each minute with my beautiful husband, children, family, pets, nature, and community (however small or large).

I love you guys.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.  As I have said before, and still mean it today, your love and support lifts me up and keeps me going.

Sincerely yours,



Wow. What a trip!

Hi everybody.  I have passed through the storm.  Uhhhggg.  Chemo can make you feel  si-ick.  Friday was okay.  Saturday morning, I was hit down hard and stayed medicated through Sunday evening.  By Monday morning, I could begin to see the light.  YEA!!  Now I know, perhaps, what to expect the next time.

Many of you have asked how you can be of help.  I cannot begin to express my gratitude.  You are all so kind and generous!!  So if you want,  here’s the help I need.

1) You could come by and help engage the children.  After school homework?  Serve up dinner (and eat with us!), Bath and book time?  Making lunches for the next day?  I CAN do it, AND the extra help is a treat for me and the kids.  I am tired and it takes great energy to meet the demand. :)

2) Meals are always good.  We like most anything.

3) Come by and visit.  I will choose not to get out much because my immune system is compromised.  If you are well, come see me sometime :) .

4) Select a chore of choice.  Make a bed.  Vacuum a carpet.  I’m not proud.  We are still trying to sell the house, and keeping it tidy is a full-time job.

I should improve with time (until the next time).  My family really pulled me through this weekend, allowing me to stay in bed to recover.  I am so blessed.  Currently I have lethargy and pain – totally manageable!!  I can do my daily routine without outside help, and for this I am SO grateful.  But as stated, many of you ask and desire to help….so here you have it!

I love ALL of you so much.  I know in my heart that I have a full team of players on my side.  This is not a solo job.  It is heart warming and reassuring to know that you guys have got my back.

Thank God for allowing me to be humble and vulnerable, for those who know me best, know this to be a tough task.

Psalm 18:32-34  the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer  and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

I am positioning myself for “battle;” I will claim victory over this evil cancer!

With your and God’s help,