Hanging In, Hangin On

GeorgeTime passes by.  I continue to feel okay, and take it day by day.  I find myself sometimes living in surreal time.  It is strange to be in a kind of limbo…waiting for “something,” yet waiting for nothing.  There is no plan, no boundary.  I have cancer but to what degree?  to what end?  We do plan to move, but when? where?  The puzzle is not complete, yet there are pieces are on the table.

Therefore, I choose to live daily.  Some mornings I am on the top of the world, reveling in God’s light and beauty.  Each person I meet is a gift.  I easily follow a path of service and gratitude.  Other mornings, I feel lost and unable to put one foot in front of the other.  I pray, mindful of the fact that each day requires minimal “duties.”  I concentrate on the needs of my children, household, and try to do just the necessities.  These days are tough, but still, I am able to move through them.

Chemo is not knocking me down.  It does slow me and fatigue me, resulting in feeling burdened.  This is where I find my greatest strength…my friends and family.  So many of you have reached out to me and I am so lucky to have you.  A hug, a call, a text, a journal entry, a meal, a household chore…each small act reminding me that God is so good, and reminding me how truly blessed I am.

This weekend I took Taylor to Chattanooga to pick up some belongings left behind.  She and I had a wonderful time 1:1.  The drive was really pretty, and I so enjoy her company.  It was a long trip for two days, and this week I am tired.  Gordon left Monday morning and I miss him already.

Today, George turned 5.  WOW!!! As I said…Time passes by, much too quickly I might add.  And as said, I choose to live daily.  George is so cute!  It was a good day.  I took donuts to the school.  Grandy and Missy stopped by and brought gifts.  My friend Karen brought dinner and stayed to eat.  It was great food and great company.  She brought gifts and stayed to play Uno.  We had a blast and it really lifted my spirits.

I stay strong knowing that you are praying for me and holding me tight.

Several years ago, I prayed over Jodi Fryling when she left for Afghanistan.  I searched for the perfect scripture and this spoke to me then.  In my present circumstances, it still speaks to me now.

Habakkuk 3:18-19 
…yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength;  he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.  For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.Much love to you all!!!


**check out the pics!


Hi guys.  Checking in after a long summer hiatus.  It really has been a great time.

In May, shortly after my last entry…Gordon accepted a new job with another company.  He is still in dental sales, but now with Benco Dental.  This new position means that our family will re-locate.  His territory is in East Tennessee.  Our house in on the market, and we were hoping to move this summer.  Yet, no deal.  So…..after packing many boxes, and prepping our house for “show,” we got busy.  Gordon had to start the job right away, so he stays gone Monday-Friday, and comes home on the weekends.  This job is what our family needed…I will leave it at that.

So with the summer ahead of us, and not being able to travel, the kids and I decided to do the “camp thing.”

This was our first year to attend camp as a family, and it was Madonna Learning Center’s first year to hold a summer long camp.  I must say that it was a God given gift for us all.  Camp Fly High is a camp for children and adults with special needs.  I worked as a lead counselor, and Jack served as a volunteer assistant.  Clayton attended as a camper, and Emma Kate and George attended as “typical peers,” children without special needs (they were the only two peers by the way, and it didn’t phase them one bit!)  We had a blast and worked our booties off.  This time for me was so mentally, physically and spiritually fulfilling for a number of reasons:  To be with my family all day, every day; to work and play with folks with disabilities; to put my skills/experience to use in a recreation environment….truly a dream come true.  Having been limited, and out of commission for so long, this meant so much to me.

As the summer pushed on, it became evident that we were not moving right away (no sale of the house).  I enrolled the children in school here in Memphis.  They were ready to get started back, and I believe glad to be in a familiar environment.  With everyone in school during the week days, I started taking care of “busy-ness.”

Getting right to the heart of the matter, I had been experiencing a dull pain in my side on and off for a month (sounds too familiar), but felt it to be scar tissue pain.  A small lump developed in my neck, so I went to my primary care physician.  My bloodwork was normal, and the lump went away.  No other symptoms really.  I followed up with the oncologist.  He did a CT scan just to rule out anything, and darn it all!!! My cancer is back.  After a biopsy this past Wednesday, this was only confirmed yesterday.

It is still ovarian cancer, stage 3-c.  Basically the same cancer returning.  It is visible on the surface of my liver, diaphragm, and there is shadowing in my lower pelvis.  These were present at the time of my initial diagnosis, but treatment diminished evidence.  So, whether the cancer actually was killed and returned…or whether it was only masked by the Avastin (retardant), it is not certain.

Therefore, a new treatment regimen is prescribed.  I will begin a combination of carboplatin and doxil on Friday, Sept. 8.  I will get treatments every 4 weeks.  I will undergo four treatments, and then another scan.  Before you begin mapping out the time frame, know that with any chemo….complications may occur which will then change the plan.  This is only the plan for now.

Some of you already “heard the rumor” about the return of my cancer.  You have been so dear to offer help.  I cannot say what my needs are until I begin chemo and see the outcome.  I am aware of the possible side effects and have the immediate care of my family available to me.  I will surely keep you posted as needs arise.

You have all been so good to me.  This is a lot to take in all at once.  I feel confident that I can conquer this again with your support.  This cancer trip is a team effort.  I am so glad to have all of you on my team.

Much love always!!! I will stay in touch.