Dear Sweet Friends,
So many of you have responded to the news story highlighting ovarian cancer, me and my family. It was just as special as it seemed, and more. It was a great heart warming and heart wrenching event…just as Jack so aptly described “happy/sad.” You can see the video clip by going to my creative tribute page, and clicking the “blog” option. Once in blog, select the video link/site.
My health is steady. I am eating some, getting out some, and doing around the house some. I tend to ebb and flow in waves…living in abundance when I feel good, only to crash and retreat to compensate for my overindulgence.
I most recently received two loving, gracious posts from two dear friends. Each spoke of my giving, sharing, and caring for others over the years. The outpouring of giving and caring that is being given to me at this time is just an example of the meaning of the circle of life..’you reap what you sow,’ what goes around, comes around,’ and so on. As I read the words, I weep in gratitude, and I mean weep. It means so much to me to hear that I have made a difference, especially in the lives of children. Yet, here comes the happy/sad part again.
My acceptance of help has really improved over the years. I have reached a place in my life where I can just say thank you. I rarely struggle with others refusing assistance. I can even initiate asking for help, and when I am at my all time “best” …even be a little bossy. The sad part for me is I don’t want to receive, at least not this way. It’s like I have to receive. I am not at choice. I can no longer do and I am in mourning about it.
Yes I am grateful for all the years I was able to help. Yes I am grateful that I can now afford others the same wonderful feelings by being able to help me. Yes I love it when people help me because 1) I am able to REAP the rewards like getting chores done, participating in enjoyable activities, and 2) I am able to get together with folks so intimately, creating new relationships, enriching present relationships and refreshing old relationships…it is priceless. It is still just bitter sweet. What can I say? I am so very human. Yet I strive. Just like in the old spiritual folk song…Lord, I want to be a Christian, in my heart, in my heart. I explained to my mom, that I know how I want to feel about receiving care and help, acceptance of where I am and from where I’ve come and gratitude. But sometimes I just want to say thanks, but no thanks…I would rather keep doing. Thanks anyway. Ok, so I’ve said it.
I am passionate about doing, doing for others. It is my life. My existence. The very essence of my soul. Now I am being asked to change and look at doing and giving in a whole new way. I am having to do and give to me. (I think it is called self-care, haha).
Feelings meet reality. I can’t do. I can’t will it, force it, fight it, beg for it…nothing. I am weak, tired, and sometimes have set backs. And because of this, I must relay the following.
I again say thank you for all the cards, texts, emails, and messages. They mean SO MUCH to me. At this time, I am needing a lot of rest. I DO WANT to continue hearing from you! Yet, I will not be able to return many calls/emails. I know that none of you EXPECT me to feel like I have to respond. You even speak it in your message. This has to do with me… my learning to set healthy boundaries and create balance in my life. I will stay in touch. Also, I DO want you to still come and visit. I enjoy visits the BEST!!! Please note the best times to call/ text when I may be more available are between the hours of 2:30-3:30pm and 8-9pm . Thank you so much! And I love you, love you, love you!
Other ways to help the Thomas Family, please visit the following websites: