I am spittin’ mad is all I can say. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I guess I heard incorrectly (which I usually do) that the “plan” would be revealed in two weeks. Following my biopsy, two weeks later, it was confirmed that yes…this is the same cancer I have had that has returned to the same location. I do not mean to sound callous because indeed this is helpful information. No assumptions made in fighting this thing. Dr. Num Num wants to be very specific in what he is dealing with. THEN, the results were sent for a sensitivity test to determine which chemo(s) would best fight my specific type of cancer….about another two week wait. While “waiting” my stomach started to swell. Gordon reminded me that due to the location of my cancer…fluid retention often occurs….and so it goes. Gordon had to go out of town for work, and I held on. The day after he got back, he accompanied me for a paracentesis procedure (to drain the fluid from my abdomen). They were able to draw 5 liters. EEeewww. I was so excited to have the procedure because it was getting pretty painful and it was difficult to take a deep breath. I felt immediate relief, but then later that day, had pain and cramping as my abdomen attempted to put itself back together minus all of the fluid and pressure. That was just yesterday. Now one day later, my abdomen is filling up again. OOoooohhhh, I am so mad. I hate this cancer. I had this lofty thinking that I would go in there and get the fluid removed, and I could start doing sit ups to get my stomach back to normal size! I have felt self conscious looking six months pregnant, definitely minus the bliss of expecting a sweet baby. When I was pregnant, I didn’t mind so much not being able to bend over, see my feet, put on my shoes, etc….because the “pay off” was pure blessing. This sitch…not so much.
My sensitivity report is finally in by the way. I spoke to the nurse yesterday, and I am scheduled to see the doctor next Friday the 20th. (This is the earliest he has because he is booked with surgery). Believe you me, I am going to be in there Monday morning to see the nurse and request something sooner. I do NOT want to undergo another belly draining procedure thank you very much.
Now then, I feel better. Even though I do get mad at times, I just can’t stay mad. Why? Because I just can’t get over how good I have it. My blessings are so numerous I cannot even name them all. I have such a wonderful incredible life, and despite this set back, I love the rest of my life so much. Each morning I thank God for all that He has and is giving to me. I ask for His help, to first….never forget these blessings, and two….to be healed. It is so simple. Thank you God and please help me….and it works. Crazy. This is the true miracle in my life.
I will let you know something next week as soon as I know something. I have also been exploring some alternative treatment opportunities that may benefit me as well. It is great to have options.
Thank you thank you to those of you who have called, written, and/or posted on this site. Your words and prayers continue to lift my spirits.
Love you all bunches.
Peri